In my early twenties I began to notice how much I was tied into disappointment.  I feared feeling disappointment so I created situations in which I experienced it over and over again.  Friends let me down in small ways that felt monumental to me.  When someone was fifteen minutes late I would say, "See I can't count on people.  People always let me down."  Or I would choose people who were physically or emotionally unavailable and seek intimate relations with them. What a setup!  I was constantly disappointed.
             It is a human tendency to create our worst fears.  Once I realized the ways in which I was orchestrating my worst fears I was able to let go.  I discovered that people are either on time, early, late or don't show up at all.  Those are the universal choices. They have little to do with me.   I am no longer attracted to people who are unavailable but it took heaps of suffering and an ounce of insight to wake up and break these habit patterns.

            In terms of the mental domain review your concepts, beliefs, ideas. Pose the question,"To what ideas, concepts, beliefs am I particularly wedded?"
            "To what concepts or ideas do I stubbornly cling, digging in my heels or reacting indignantly when challenged?"
           "What notions are near and dear to my heart?"
            "Do they limit how I function in the world in any way?"
            "Do I limit my perceptions if they do not match my ideas, of myself, of others, of the world?"

            Finally examine the spiritual realm of existence.
            Are there certain realities I do not make room for in myself or others due to spiritual beliefs?
            Do I actually limit my capacity for compassion, love, and understanding because of my spiritual path or beliefs?
            Investigate your self-image.  This flushes out attachments on all levels, including the spiritual.
            Fill in the blank: I am always or generally ________.
                                        I am never or rarely   ________
                                Or, it goes against my nature to ________.

            For example:   always calm, never angry.
                                    Generally angry, never calm.
                                    Always generous, never stingy.
                                    Generally scared, rarely confident.
                                    Generally honest, rarely dishonest.
                                    Generally shy, rarely outgoing.
            The view we hold of ourselves becomes transparent in response to these questions.
            We are attached to our self-image like super glue to paper.

            How do we let go?
            It happens in an instant.
            It happens through taking gradual steps, such as when we break a habit or chip away at an addiction.  Going from drinking ten cups of coffee to one doesn't necessarily happen all at once.
            The decision to cut back happens in an instant.
            The follow through happens in a given moment.
            These moments are repeated and accumulate over time.
            Net result?
            Drinking one cup (or none) per day.
            One of my teachers, Ayya Khema, said our desires are like hot potatoes.  If we found ourselves holding onto a hot potato would we clutch it musing, "Oh this reminds me of the last hot potato I held. This is interesting.  How did I end up with a hot potato in my hand?  Ouch my hand is burning, I wonder if I should let it go?"
            Of course not.  We would let it go immediately, just like that.  "Drop the wanting," Ayya says,  "Drop the desire like a hot potato."
            We tend to burn with desire and frequently our desires burn us.

              Remember: When we want for nothing, we have nothing to lose. Decreasing desire increases freedom.

                           May you be happy.
                           May all sentient beings be happy.
                           May all sentient beings be free from suffering
                           And the cause of suffering.
                           Sadhu. Sadhu. Sadhu.

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